Holy shit this is brilliant. "Shakespeare does the Hokey-Pokey", by Jeff Brechlin, the winner of the Washington Post's author impersonation contest.
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the Poke --- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.