6.11.2004

Friday June 11, 2004

I am so fucking fed up I cannot stand it.

Each and every day I get harassed by some man on the street. I can't simply get myself to and from work without some asshole making a comment on my body or simply my gender. Today it was a group of men on the corner right by my house, saying the most disgusting, lewd, and blatant things for me while I waited for the light to turn green so I could go home and scream.

I'm not even going to reprint what they said to me.

Ignoring it doesn't help, that just makes them more desperate for attention and that much cruder and bolder. Yelling back doesn't help, snide remarks don't help. If I shut one man up, then I'm bound to have another one that same day accost me with what he apparently thinks is witty.

What makes these people think they have the right to treat me like this? Why do they have the right to absolutely violate me in public and never ever have any repercussions? Now I feel like if I go out wearing a skirt or a tank top, I'm "asking for it" somehow. Heels are out of the question. I've stopped wearing makeup unless going to work because looking even a little bit pretty seems to attract these perverts.

By the simple fact that I'm outside, alone, minding my own goddamn business, I become prey to these men. I'm suddenly on display- no matter what I'm wearing or doing. Lugging groceries, talking to my mom, riding my bike, waiting for a bus: none of it matters. I don't want to leave my house anymore if this is going to happen every day. Every motherfucking day.

I can't stand it but I don't know what to do. I scream, I cry, I threaten- today I almost went back outside to hurt one of these men. I wanted to pick up the knife on my draining board and slice through this motherfucker's balls. I wanted to hurt him so badly.

Where is this ok? Why do I have to get leered at and stripped (figuratively) naked by people I've done nothing to?

I feel like suddenly 30 years of womens' rights have been erased, and this is what I have to expect for the rest of whatever. Somehow it's "my fault" for being young and female and out alone in the fucking daytime. Somehow being mildly pretty is my fault and I deserve to get yelled at and abused.

I don't even think this expresses how furious I am. Furious because it persists even worse than before, furious and frustrated because there's not a damn thing I can do, short of walking with catastrophe makeup on every day and faking a severe physical handicap. Even then I doubt they'd be deterred.

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