Monday January 7, 2008

I had a dentist appointment this morning at dark o'clock.  Super.  Two fillings and I'm done and can go back to bed, right?  Until the dentist comes in and says "no, we won't do fillings without a full set of x-rays, and a full exam, and btw, I don't think you have any cavities at all".

Good to get that cleared up, then.
Dentist proceeds to examine my mouth, exclaims that my teeth and general mouth-care is excellent.  He passes me off to the dental hygenist / community college dropout for my cleaning, who has decided that the "very well taken-care of" teeth lauded by the dentist- THE ONE WITH THE DEGREE- are, in fact, scornfully uncared for.  Poke, poke, scrape, bleeding, muttering judgements, scrape.  Then, when finally given access to the little water jet to soothe my bleeding gums, she gets distracted.  And with one of her hands in my mouth, still scraping at invisible enemies embedded in my flesh, she moves the water jet thingy to her right, spurting water all over my face and into my eyes in a vigorous bout of dental hygenist bukkake for a good ten seconds before she's bothered to look down again and figure out why I'm making "ennnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh!" noises. 
She doesn't then turn off the water and get me a towel, but just moves the water jet back into my mouth and continues chatting with her co-worker while I lie there, wondering how I can best bite her index finger in revenge without getting stabbed by her poky, stabby dental accessories.

In conclusion, I am no longer quite so peeved at not having dental insurance, if that will provide the excuse to never see that bitch again.

(unrelated:  this whole "eat a fruit or vegetable with every meal" thing is actually going really well, but I wonder:  can a bloody mary be considered a vegetable?)

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