Wednesday April 30, 2008

I have shamelessly jacked A Lady's style on this one, but after seeing the adorable photo of her rocking this dress, I had to get it.  Online clearance, thankfully.

It was slightly less than springy here yesterday, so I wore it with leather boots and a leather jacket.  Apparently, I also wore it to the astonishment of a certain classmate, who remarked after class:  "Wow, you're really overdressed for just going to class.  You look like you're ready to go clubbing or something."  I tried to smile sweetly and said "Yes, I did get dressed up today.  I love this dress!" and then went slinking across campus, thinking nasty thoughts about her and her ugly shoes.  Because I'm a grown-up like that.
Photos taken at 2 a.m. after several margaritas.  Homework is always aided by takeout Mexican food and gossip over cocktails.

Black liquid jersey dress, Diane von Furstenberg; black flat boots, DSW; leather jacket, Victoria's Secret; cuff watch, Marc Jacobs.  Smirk courtesy tequila.


Sunday April 27, 2008

I have cobbled together plans with a few friends to devote next weekend to the Kentucky Derby and its attendant pleasures, necessitating the following:
1) proper Kentucky Derby hats
2) bourbon
3) finding some way to get Derby tickets

Leaving aside #3 to a friend who may be able to call in a Lexington connection, I'm suddenly scrambling for a hat.  A hat in the vein of:


This type of thing seems to sell for upwards of $300, but I'm betting that with a trip to a craft store, a hot glue gun, some heavy thread, and a bag full of fake birds, I can give those southern belles a run for their money.  What better way to purposefully ignore my upcoming accounting midterm than by sequestering myself in our apartment with a gigantic bag of craft supplies and endless Diet Cokes?


Friday April 25, 2008

I love that spring weather (80 degrees in April is a reason to appreciate, if not love, Cincinnati) means All Flippy Skirts and Dresses, All the Time.
If you'd walked anywhere near campus yesterday, you would have been swarmed by a mass of girls twirling madly in cute skirts and dresses and grinning madly with their punch-drunk love of springtime.  (I dare you to be surrounded by blooming magnolia trees and lilacs and still frown.  Impossible!)

For me, this means I got to wear a silk skirt I've been dying to bring out for the past month or so:
Black v-neck t-shirt (I swear, it's only the camera flash making it sheer there!), grey and black silk skirt, black lizard flats.  And yes, that's another glass of champagne* in my hands.  What?  It was on sale!

*A few bottles of champagne made an appearance last night, as I have something to celebrate.  Details sometime next week.


Wednesday April 23, 2008

I have been informed (both by Noah telling me that he has been awoken by unpleasant tooth-grinding noises coming from my mouth and by my jaw hurting like hell on one side), that I suffer from bruxism.  Suggested home remedies involve things like "relax!" and "put a warm washcloth on your jaw to soothe it".  I think I will find a way to parlay the official medical advice of "relax" into "bring your girlfriend some scotch* in bed and rub her shoulders and maybe a foot massage would help and she really likes flowers, too".  I mean, all those things would certainly provide relaxation and pampering, and it's medically necessary!

*I know WebMD suggests cutting out alcohol, but that's just silly.  I drank five bottles of champagne this weekend and didn't wake up on any of those mornings with a sore jaw, so I am obviously immune to the causality here.  Or I woke up with a moderately sore jaw but also with an insistent hangover, which may have distracted me from my inability to open my mouth.


Tuesday April 22, 2008

Why do I keep getting my hopes up for those collaborative design lines from the Gap, H&M, Target, and such?  The last line I enjoyed was Libertine for Target, and that was nearly a full year ago.  Erin Fetherston and Jovovich Hawk didn't do it for me this year, and the new GO stuff is just too nu-rave for me.  I'll wear neon nail polish, but that's as close to the mid 90's as I'm comfortable with.

I thought, however, that the CFDA/Gap collaboration might change my mind.  The ad campaign with Philip Lim standing there looking all smart and erudite was so clean!  That threeasfour dress looked so easy and lovely and striking!  Thus, I went to the Gap last week to molest the racks of pretty fancy "white shirts".


I was thoroughly underwhelmed.  Maybe it is my lifelong aversion to ruffles (if you can find a single ruffled thing in my closet, you can have it, because it clearly was let in by mistake), or maybe it's that I'm very rarely to be found wearing white, but I could not get excited about any of the pieces.  Really, in what situation will I wear a half-sleeved button-up with elbow poofs?  The threeasfour dress seemed to be worth a try-on, so I gave it a chance. 

It did not live up to expectations.  The seaming made my hips look odd, my boobs look flattened, and generally reminded me of the time in 1996 when I decided to make a minidress by cutting apart a pillowcase.  Granted, my dress experiment did not involve fancy curved asymmetrical seams, but neither did it cost $88.

In consolation, I scooted to DSW to use up some serious coupons, and acquired a new pair of running shoes AND a pair of brown patent reptile-print heels for under $100.  I'm fully aware that all these coupons and "special offers" and Premium Member Cards are sent to me to encourage this kind of reckless footwear fetishism (but do running shoes really count towards my shoe purchase tally?  I mean, they're practical!), but goddamn, DSW, keep those super-sales going on for me.  Next year, when I'm doing my student loans budget, I'll be sure to put in a specific line item for you.


Thursday April 17, 2008

NPR was informing me of the papal mass today in Washington.  Not giving a shit about the Washington Nationals, I misheard the location of the mass as "National Spaceball Stadium", and was overcome with joy.

ludicrous speed!


Wednesday April 16, 2008

Today, while loading a case of wine into the trunk of our car, my left nipple decided to make its run for freedom.  Unnoticed by me, most of my left boob snuck out of my sundress and into the public eye in the Trader Joe's parking lot.

So:  I'm sorry, old lady.  I'm sorry, small child in stroller.  I'm sorry, cart wrangler.  I'm sorry, everyone.  My nipples are strong-willed and I am unobservant, even when it comes to public toplessness.



Friday April 11, 2008

Somehow, in conversation with classmates this week, the subject of "things that I was threatened with suspension / expulsion for in high school" came up.  (um, Mom*?  yeah, I never told you about these.  I mean, I never actually got suspended or expelled, so you never had to know.)

Off the top of my head:

1) sledding on school property during school hours, although I had a 45 minute free period and was technically allowed to do whatever I damn well pleased during that time.  Except sled, it seems.
2) walking onstage with a lit (nicotine) cigarette that had not been ok'd by our drama teacher.
3) stubbing out the cigarette on the bottom of my shoe and tossing it behind me, into the curtain.  When the cigarette was not actually all the way out, and the curtain was coated in 40 years of extremely flammable dust.
4) wearing a t-shirt with an aggressively pointed gun on it in 2000, about a year after the Columbine shootings.  It was the promo graphic for Never Swim Alone, not a threat to anyone's safety!
5) sitting too close to my friend Kris with his arm draped across the back of the bench, in apparent violation of our school's "absolutely no public displays of affection at any time, including hugs or any admission of sexuality" policy.
6) calling our drama teacher a "prick".  Trust me, that was the least obscene option to voice what I really thought.
7) wearing a sweater with a slit across the back that indicated omg she's not wearing a bra with that.  Nowhere in the dress code were there any strictures against slits or bralessness.
8) being involved in a total girl-fight and punching my best friend in the face in the hallway.  Ok, yeah, I probably deserved to get in trouble for that one.

*also, if my mom is actually reading my blog, I will be very weirded out.  Dear god, I hope she doesn't read the blog.


Tuesday April 8, 2008

Clearly, Charles Isherwood has been senile for some time now, and this little rant reinforces his need to resign (in addition to the slurry, stuttery, incomprehensible podcasts he does for the Times theater section, that is). 

Now, look at Ben Brantley's review of the same production.  The review that caught my eye and spurred me to buy tickets and sit, holding my breath, for nearly an hour, under a torrent of incredibly precise and sneakily vicious and brilliant language.

Mr. Isherwood, is "Drunk Enough to Say I Love You?" really the most irritating show you've seen?  I mean, I assume you saw "The Little Mermaid".  Hell, I assume you may have also seen "Mamma Mia!".  If you can stomach three hours of sweatsuit-wearing people on skates pretending to be fish, and unironic 70's pantsuits and jazz hands, surely you can suffer through 45 minutes of politics. 
Poor Mr. Isherwood, his delicate constitution is upset when he has to listen to the play being performed, and not just look at the shiny, shiny costumes.  Perhaps it's time to place him on a less demanding beat.  Something like reviewing children's choir concerts.


Monday April 7, 2008

Wow.  This evening's Ceviche Experiment was a colossal failure.  I'm glad I made the executive decision to chuck the whole thing after a teeny, tiny bite, or we'd likely be rolling on the bathroom floor in vomitous agony within the next 36 hours.

Ceviche:  definitely worth having a restaurant make for me.

Monday April 7, 2008

72 degrees, sunny, and no class on Mondays, bitches.  Too bad that the majority of the day must be spent on all the homework I neglected over the past three days, and not on having a picnic in the park.
Fake pearls from sidewalk vendor, grey Forever 21 ombre tank (I saw Susie Bubble's ombre tights and thought "wait a minute, Forever 21 can do that for me!  On a tank top! And I won't have to scrub my sink! ... but it's not quite as dramatic a gradient as I'd hoped), Hudson jeans, trusty gold Steve Madden flats that I should've bought in bulk last summer.

Currently, there are two fillets of red snapper lounging in lime juice in our fridge.  We are conducting the Great Ceviche Experiment of 2008 to answer the question of whether or we should really pay a restaurant to serve us something we can make at home without ever turning on the oven.  Yes, ceviche can occasionally look like cat food.  No, we have never made ceviche at home before.  Yes, there is the slight possibility that Noah and myself will be suffering from some regrets after eating marinated uncooked fish.


Sunday April 6, 2008

Fancy benefit?  Fancy dress!
This dress, one of my first vacation purchases, rules. 
Here, it manages to make me look good after I'd been door hosting one of Know Theatre's 10th Anniversary Gala events, which basically meant "smile pretty, get credit card numbers, and... LOOK! OPEN BAR! and is that a mix-your-own mac & cheese bar with caviar?".  That mac & cheese bar also included bacon bits and extra cheese, so by the time these photos were taken, I was tipsy and extremely full of fancy cheesy pasta.

Osman Yousefzada for Mango dress, Marc Jacobs cuff watch, black patent heels from DSW courtesy my mom, who, after seeing my disappointment at having to get practical work shoes and nothing else, suggested that perhaps a fancy pair of "nice shoes" might do wonders to cheer me up.  Right on, mom.


Friday April 4, 2008

Are you going to be in New York City at any point in the foreseeable future?  Do you have breasts?  Then go to Town Shop.

You’ve been “measured” for a bra at Victoria’s Secret, probably.  And the employee doing the measurements was probably a gum-smacking sixteen-year-old for whom the extent of helpful advice in lingerie selection is likely “it also comes in red!”. 

Well, Town Shop is not like that.  First off, it’s small.  Secondly, very few bras are on display, compared to the normal array one would expect in a bra store.
I walked in, asked to be fitted for new bras, and went back to a dressing room with a fitter for whom I took off my t-shirt.  She then looked me up and down and pronounced my new bra size without checking out the level of padding/lift in the bra I was wearing, getting a tape measure, or touching me at all.  This woman was the legit Miss Cleo of bra-fitting.  And behold, every bra she brought for me was perfect.  I have never had a bra fit so well in my life.  (Many bras at many price points were brought to me, but of course the one I loved best was the most expensive one.  Naturally.  So my Discover bill includes a triple-digit charge for bras that outpaces any other excursion in New York, but is well worth it.)

She even found me a strapless bra that is both supportive and completely free of that awkward and totally non-subtle gesture of yanking up your strapless bra from your ribcage after doing anything more strenuous than standing still and daintily sipping a drink.
Town Shop will change your life.  Your breasts will never be so happy.  And you will not have to talk to a high schooler that tries to sell you on itchy polyester zebra-print camisoles and body spray that smells like a rotting fruit bowl.


Thursday April 3, 2008

After unpacking spring dresses from a suitcase this week in an attempt to make my closet seem even smaller than it is, I think it may be time for a little wardrobe culling.  Granted, I did just buy four new dresses in New York, but I'm seeing things shoved in the back of the closet that I know haven't gotten any wear in the past year.  Coincidentally, a new friend who happens to have a beautiful, beautiful wardrobe put up her checklist of Wardrobe Questions, so on with the spring cleaning.

1. How would you describe your style?
Clean lines, neutral colors, very student-y despite myself.

2. Is this something you want to change?
Stop Dressing Like An Undergrad.  Also, occasionally wear a color.

3. Give examples of people whose looks you like.
Kate Moss, A Lady, Gala Darling, Shalom Harlow, Natalie Portman, Jamie Ryan, Sarah Baumert, Coco Chanel, Angelina Jolie.

4. What are your best features that you would like to highlight?
Long legs, rather lovely boobs. 

5. If you have flaws, what would you to address?
A prominent tummy pooch.  Currently more than a little distended due to lunch at Balthazar, breakfasts at H&H Bagels, brunch at Schiller's, dinner at Momofuku, etc. 

6. What outfit makes you feel the best?
Black v-neck cashmere sweater, black pencil skirt, knee-high black stiletto boots, sunglasses.  Preferably all under my black trench coat so I feel like a super-spy.

7. What do you feel the least comfortable wearing in public?
Any shirt that could potentially show my stomach.

8. What are you lacking in your wardrobe?
Casual warm-weather tops to wear with jeans that are not a t-shirt or tank from American Apparel.  What does one wear with jeans in the spring/summer that won't make me look like I'm stuck in high school?  (Ok, wearing this with Chucks doesn't help the cause, I'm aware.)

9. Do you have too much of something?
Black t-shirts that don't fit properly.

10. Please rate in order of need what areas you need the most help.
Casual Day
Casual Night
Dressy Day
Casual Date
Conservative Work
Dressy Night
Dressy Date

Casual Work

11. Do you have something to wear for each of these looks?
Probably at least once for the top four, but not much more than that.  Not much more one ensemble that I'm really pleased with and comfortable in, that is. 

12. Do you have accessories to pull each of these looks together?
Yes, though I tend not to wear a lot of different accessories.  I stick to one or both of my bracelets, my watch, my ring, and my tiny silver hoop earrings.  To really play around with accessories, I'd have to give up the bracelets and watch so I'm not on jewelry overload.
I do have a versatile collection of necklaces, scarves, bags, gloves, and shoes, however.  A collection that I don't use as often as I should.


Tuesday April 1, 2008

I'm once again home and back to the academic life I so willingly threw off for a dozen or so wonderful vacation (spring breaaaaaaaaaaaaak!) days in New York with fantastic people and amazing diversions.
I'm too much in that post-vacation catching-up-to-real-life whirl right now to do anything but laundry and homework, but considering all the porky delights (Momofuku's ramen and pork rolls!  Lamb & bacon sandwiches! Macaroni & cheese with bacon!) consumed in the past two weeks (hello there, vacation belly...), this photo sums up the trip pretty well.

mmm bacon