Friday April 11, 2008

Somehow, in conversation with classmates this week, the subject of "things that I was threatened with suspension / expulsion for in high school" came up.  (um, Mom*?  yeah, I never told you about these.  I mean, I never actually got suspended or expelled, so you never had to know.)

Off the top of my head:

1) sledding on school property during school hours, although I had a 45 minute free period and was technically allowed to do whatever I damn well pleased during that time.  Except sled, it seems.
2) walking onstage with a lit (nicotine) cigarette that had not been ok'd by our drama teacher.
3) stubbing out the cigarette on the bottom of my shoe and tossing it behind me, into the curtain.  When the cigarette was not actually all the way out, and the curtain was coated in 40 years of extremely flammable dust.
4) wearing a t-shirt with an aggressively pointed gun on it in 2000, about a year after the Columbine shootings.  It was the promo graphic for Never Swim Alone, not a threat to anyone's safety!
5) sitting too close to my friend Kris with his arm draped across the back of the bench, in apparent violation of our school's "absolutely no public displays of affection at any time, including hugs or any admission of sexuality" policy.
6) calling our drama teacher a "prick".  Trust me, that was the least obscene option to voice what I really thought.
7) wearing a sweater with a slit across the back that indicated omg she's not wearing a bra with that.  Nowhere in the dress code were there any strictures against slits or bralessness.
8) being involved in a total girl-fight and punching my best friend in the face in the hallway.  Ok, yeah, I probably deserved to get in trouble for that one.

*also, if my mom is actually reading my blog, I will be very weirded out.  Dear god, I hope she doesn't read the blog.

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