If you go to the fancy-pants Mario Badescu website and take their questionnaire, in a few weeks a big envelope full of goodies will arrive for you to play with. I've already got a serious crush on the Special Cucumber Lotion, and I may have to actually purchase it once the tiny bottle runs out. This toner has erased the traumatic memories of Seabreeze Astringent from middle school, thank god. Pouring rubbing alcohol and Blue No. 4 directly onto your skin is a bad idea, teenagers of America! Learn from my seventh-grade folly!
(In fairness to my earlier rant against Outlets Online and their convoluted return policy, I do need to note that I have finally received a refund for my returned ill-fitting Marc Jacobs (knockoff?) dress. It did take two months, but yes, I did get my money back. I did have to send a half-dozen progressively more furious emails, but the refund did go through today.)