However, I splurged on a v nice pair of Marc Jacobs sunglasses last year that definitely fall into the shield/oversized category, so I cannot completely write them off. Big-ass sunglasses cover up a goodly portion of your face, which is convenient when you have icky blemishes you're trying to avoid letting the world see, or dark circles from last night's gin binge, or your eyebrows are plucked wonky and you can't find an eyebrow pencil. Of course, there's the Jackie O/ Holly Golightly association, which never gets bad. But then again, there's also the Nicole Richie/ Britney Spears/ Victoria Beckham association, which is generally v bad. And perhaps I should spend less time trying to hide my myriad facial flaws, and more time 1) preventing them (no, thanks, I don't need that seventh cocktail) and 2) accepting that yes, my eyebrows are just wonky right now, and probably no one notices.
After years of wearing big sunglasses in big frames, it takes some getting used to when you do finally find a pair that's smaller than your forearm. Knowing that impulse purchases with the words Marc Jacobs on them are dangerous (especially following a traumatic excursion into the dressing room), I let the pretty eyewear rest in their plastic homes for now. Here's a selection of what I may stalk eBay for in the near future, assuming I do not freakishly get two giant black eyes that I need to hide with gigantic lenses:
I told you "Marc Jacobs" was a magic phrase. I noticed only after uploading photos that I'd uploaded these in every color (from different websites, even!) without realizing it.
I spent too long trying to figure out what color "tort" was (these come in linen/tort) before I realized that meant "tortoiseshell". Anyway, I like "linen" best.
*I was at Bloomingdale's to have their in-house tailor alter a dress I bought there recently, and was under the impression that since it was never-worn and still had the tags on and I came prepared with my receipt, it would be complementary, as intimated by the saleswoman. Oh no. The phrase "and now we need a form of payment" was hurled by a snippy sales assistant, which took me completely off-guard. This had better be the world's most amazing alteration job for what they're charging.