Once upon a time, I was a varsity* swimmer, and I swam the 500 freestyle. Why the longest-distance event in high-school swimming? Because I was incredibly slow, that's why. A great time for the 500 freestyle is 5:00-6:00. I think my personal best in my two years of swimming for the KHS Bearcats (an animal that does not like water, naturally) was somewhere around 10:00. Yup, the other girls had swum the race, left the pool, picked up their medal, and changed into their warm-up sweats by the time I finally finished my plodding 500 yards.
*Varsity, clearly, was not a great distinction of merit for the swim team. Judging by the same standards that awarded me a varsity letter in swimming, a relatively agile puppy could have been a varsity swimmer for KHS.
I haven't swam much since then, so getting into the pool these past few weeks has been an exercise in humility. Where I once did a 3,000 yard warm-up, I'm now doing 800 yards for my total workout on a good day. I've also been eschewing caffeine lately, but then I saw the article in the Times this week that said "duh, caffeine makes you do things faster, and those things include sports".
Today, before heading to the pool, I had a double espresso.
I chose the lane next to a little old lady, and I kicked her ass. Maybe it was the caffeine, or maybe it was the fact that she was a little old lady, but I lapped her like four times. I'm suddenly very appreciative of the Starbucks located next to the rec center.
I feel like I should've spiked my kickboard in the shallow end in a show of my aquatic dominance.