Point/counterpoint! It's worth noting that my lovely Vicious Trollops co-blogger A Lady is somewhat more, well, ladylike than I am, and will disagree with me on bits of this. (Hence why it's here and not on Vicious Trollops. But you should read Vicious Trollops, too, because in my wholly unbiased opinion, it's worthwhile! Plus there's that whole How To Date Us post already in existence.) And it's all heteronormative up in hurr, but this is genderless, I promise.
1) If you want to go out with her on the weekend, ask her by Tuesday. Do NOT ask her at 8 p.m. on Friday. This was awesome. It showed me that he was considerate of my schedule, valued my time and was serious about wanting to get on my calendar. There is nothing worse than a wishy-washy guy. If a guy is interested and respects you, he won't take any chances.
- Not a lot of argument from me on this, actually. Spontaneity is great (a 4 pm email saying "do you have dinner plans? No? Then can I meet you for dinner?" is good); asking me on Thursday what I'm doing on Friday means that I'll likely already have other plans. Color-coded calendar, etc.- and yes, this is a bit of a pain, but for real, scheduling is just convenient. However, the whole tone of "...valued my time and was serious about wanting to get on my calendar... If a guy is interested and respects you, he won't take any chances" is just massively grating. It's not respect, it's just practicality. I might have plans to see a show on Saturday night, but if I know in advance that you want to hang out on Saturday night, I'll get an extra ticket.
- Pah. Have an idea, float the idea, but jesus, it's not that fucking hard. Generally "want to go to Awesome Activity/eat something good/drink something delicious" is a pretty good idea. And the whole "golddigger" thing bugs. Because clearly dating is transactional and ladies are only after anyone for money, right? Fuck that.
- Fuck that. See "golddigger", above. I expect to split the tab. If someone says "I'd really like to get this", then yeah okay, but I never ever ever expect anyone to pay for me and my admittedly often expensive tastes.
- Banter is always good. No argument here.
- HELL TO THE NO. That's fucking creepy. If the date does not go well, then I have to think "shit, and now they know where I live, and I'm gonna have to hope they don't just 'happen to be in the neighborhood' in an attempt to run into me". Times when meeting at apartment is a good idea: when I invite you to do so. Otherwise, I'd find this highly sketchy. I suppose if one is picking me up in a car, then yes, that's fine, but I don't like being transit-dependent on anyone for a first date. It closes the exit window of "this did not go well, I need to get the hell out".
- Pshaw. If a first date goes well, I'm definitely making out with you, and probably in a shameless public manner. No shame in being like "daaaamn, chemistry, please to roll around halfnaked now". This whole expectation of Ladies Should Be Demure is infantilizing. I can make up my own mind about whether I want to hook up with you or not, and I shall follow through.
- Go ahead, but don't get all twitchy if I don't text you back. I'm probably asleep.
- Follow-up plans are good, yes. I shan't argue with that.