Yesterday I bought a bottle of aspirin, per doctor's orders*. I was mildly distracted, per usual, and grabbed the box that said "aspirin" off the display next to the register because it also said "SALE". I almost never take aspirin, so I read the recommended dosage information when I got back to work and thought to swill some pills down with my lunch.

"Adults: take 4 to 8 pills with a full glass of water. Do not exceed 48 pills in 24 hours."

The bottle of aspirin I bought contained 36 tablets. I was immediately tempted to take the entire bottle of pills in one ultra-dramatic gesture, but then I'd have to buy another bottle to even reach the maximum dosage limit for the day, and I didn't really want to make another trip to Walgreen's. Apparently I purchased low-potency chewable aspirin (why does this exist?) in lieu of normal painkillers, which means that I am now really enjoying the effect of taking a literal fistful of pills when someone happens to be watching.

*Chief among the doctor's orders was the exhortation to triple-check that I've remembered to put sunscreen on my face before doing something like, say, falling asleep on a beach for four hours in direct South American sun and sunburning the everloving fuck out of my visage.

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