Never let it be said that I am unpredictable, either in behavior or in sartorial choices. (Let's see: I see a shift dress? that is rather short? with big-ass heels? Why, that silhouette must be D!)

Can I find a way to wear yet another shroudlike garment and make it date-worthy?

Yes, apparently so. It helps when the shroud is short and has back detailing, I suppose. And when the shoes make me 6'2" tall. Actually, that might be the key to everything. As long as I'm wearing some Fuckoff Heels (symbiotic link, right there), I cannot be accused of half-stepping.

Dress, Target; tall-ass socks, American Apparel; booties, Aldo.

This is all so mall-brand and I wish I could say "oh, I just picked up this sweet vintage 60's dress at a thrift shop, it has the loveliest detail on the back of the neckline!", but dude, sometimes you are at Target at 10:00 on a Wednesday night and you see a navy blue minidress and you think "why yes, this would be perfect for my Friday night date, and at this point I don't care that it's a cheap synthetic. Ooh, look, Target has cotton balls on sale, and I need to pick up some more paper towels and shampoo and those little no-scratch felt pads for my living room chairs."

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