works every time

First of all, I'm sorry, but I could not find a 40 oz. of Colt 45 anywhere. Both the bodega and the liquor store gave me looks of disappointment and confusion when I asked them if they carried this in a 40. (Their confusion may have had something to do with the incongruity of a nicely-dressed lady asking for a 40 oz. malt liquor at 2:30 in the afternoon.)

  • Refreshingness: (6) I expected this to taste like sadness and desperation. It kind of didn't. That threw me off. It tastes like... well, like shitty beer. Surprisingly no aftertaste of alcoholism!
  • Lack of slipperyness when you are holding the beer with potentially soapy hands: (8) I just realized that if I wanted to be really, really shower-beer-efficient, I could put a couple rubber hair elastics around the top of the can for extra grip.
  • Does it smell weird when I drink it right after using my bergamot body scrub?: (7) Not really? Well, I'm out of bergamot scrub, so the combined smell of vanilla body scrub and Colt 45 was a little odd, but not any more off-putting than realizing I was drinking a large can of malt liquor in the shower at 9:00 am before having brunch with my parents.
  • Bonus round: I'm pretty certain that the liquor store clerk had a great story to tell to his friends on Friday night about the not-visibly-homeless and well-dressed woman who came in, asked for Colt 45 in a 40 oz., and then charged $4.47 worth of malt liquor to her Discover card. (+3)

    Colt 45 shower beer score: 24 (out of 35)
    What the fuck am I going to do with the other cans of Colt 45 in my fridge now? Can I pretend they're a more ironic PBR?

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