The standings, after ten rounds, are as follows:
winner: Shiner Ruby Red, 9 points
loser: Modelo, 0 points and a hangover
winner: Sofia Blanc de Blancs, 10 points
loser: Modelo, 0 points and life was really hard that morning
Does it smell weird with my shower products?
winner: Shiner Ruby Red, 10 points
loser: Modelo, "everything is bad"
Utterly arbitrary bonus round
winner: we have a tie!
+5 points for both Miller High Life ("it's cheap as fuck, but it tastes like grad school nostalgia to me") and Sofia Blanc de Blancs ("IT'S A TINY PINK CAN OF SPARKLING WINE WITH A TINY PINK BENDY STRAW, COME ON, IT'S GODDAMN ADORABLE").
loser: I didn't even try to think of something nice for the poor, maligned Modelo. The lowest bonus round score thus goes to Delirium Noël ("it's not the saddest high-alcohol-content thing I've drunk in the shower recently"), +2 points.
Overall Winner: Shiner Ruby Red, with 31 points. Perhaps I should pre-order a couple cases next May to stock up for all my forthcoming shower beer needs.