8.27.2011

works every time

First of all, I'm sorry, but I could not find a 40 oz. of Colt 45 anywhere. Both the bodega and the liquor store gave me looks of disappointment and confusion when I asked them if they carried this in a 40. (Their confusion may have had something to do with the incongruity of a nicely-dressed lady asking for a 40 oz. malt liquor at 2:30 in the afternoon.)

  • Refreshingness: (6) I expected this to taste like sadness and desperation. It kind of didn't. That threw me off. It tastes like... well, like shitty beer. Surprisingly no aftertaste of alcoholism!
  • Lack of slipperyness when you are holding the beer with potentially soapy hands: (8) I just realized that if I wanted to be really, really shower-beer-efficient, I could put a couple rubber hair elastics around the top of the can for extra grip.
  • Does it smell weird when I drink it right after using my bergamot body scrub?: (7) Not really? Well, I'm out of bergamot scrub, so the combined smell of vanilla body scrub and Colt 45 was a little odd, but not any more off-putting than realizing I was drinking a large can of malt liquor in the shower at 9:00 am before having brunch with my parents.
  • Bonus round: I'm pretty certain that the liquor store clerk had a great story to tell to his friends on Friday night about the not-visibly-homeless and well-dressed woman who came in, asked for Colt 45 in a 40 oz., and then charged $4.47 worth of malt liquor to her Discover card. (+3)

    Colt 45 shower beer score: 24 (out of 35)
    What the fuck am I going to do with the other cans of Colt 45 in my fridge now? Can I pretend they're a more ironic PBR?

8.20.2011

modelohno

Life lesson: when you are hung over (properly, deservedly hung over), a beer is not fucking refreshing, no matter how cold it is.

I couldn't manage more than three sips of today's shower beer, which is quite saying something.

  • Refreshingness: (0) UGH.
  • Lack of slipperyness when you are holding the beer with potentially soapy hands: (0) Lifting a car of beer is hard right now.
  • Does it smell weird when I drink it right after using my bergamot body scrub?: (0) Everything is bad.
Modelo shower beer score: 0 (out of 35) and oh my god why did I order that last whiskey.

8.16.2011

yacht rock

Stripes make me wish I had a friend with a boat. Get on it, friends: someone needs to acquire a yacht.
Striped tee, Rodarte for Target; cutoffs, Mexican thrift store + scissors;
bike tote, Target; fuckoff wedges, Steve Madden (what up, Helen!)

I put on these cutoffs today, and although I washed them this weekend, there's still somehow sand in the pockets. When was the last time I was at the beach? Not recently enough, it seems. Hint taken, pants.

8.13.2011

couldn't be bothered to wikipedia "krausening"

First let us note that Old Style seems to be stalking me. "In your neighborhood since 1902", the can boasts. Um, that's a little weird, Old Style. "In your shower since 10:54 this morning!" would be more appropriate.

  • Refreshingness: (8) It basically tastes like water. Which, with my slight hangover this morning, was utterly perfect. You can fool yourself into thinking you're rehydrating!
  • Lack of slipperyness when you are holding the beer with potentially soapy hands: (8) Until they make a can that has little nubs along the top third, there have been no new developments in unslippery beer can technology.
  • Does it smell weird when I drink it right after using my bergamot body scrub?: (8) Not at all. See above re: tastes like water.
  • Bonus round: a 6-pack of 16 oz. cans was $5.19. I'm pretty sure that's actually cheaper than water. (+4)
Old Style shower beer score: 28 (out of 35)

There are three official Saturdays of summer left, and I take requests! What do you want me to drink in the shower? Someone has to keep the bodega in business, after all.

8.10.2011

der blaue engel

"If you put a blazer over it, it's totally work-appropriate!"

(Thank god for the blazers acquired at a springtime clothing swap. They've kept me vaguely professional in so many questionable situations of late.)

Dress, Target; linen blazer, Banana Republic via clothing swap; mary janes, vintage.

8.08.2011

she walks on the city

I've paid bills for the night, so now I can open that folder on my desktop entitled Shoes I Want, right? Right.

We're sensing a theme, non?
(I wear a size 8 1/2 or 9, by the by.)

8.06.2011

flying v

Classing this shit up, yo.
I had an early-morning work event (brunches should always involve bloody marys, yes? Yes. Except when the work brunches involve a bunch of high-school students and a jug of vodka would be inappropriate, and goddammit that was my morning), which means that by 1 pm I was very, very ready to come home to a delicious shower beer.

Note to the rest of the world: if you are in Chicago, get a Goose Island beer. You will not regret it.

  • Refreshingness: (7) Moderately refreshing, but it's a bit too complex to be perfectly shower-appropriate. I feel bad for saying that.
  • Lack of slipperyness when you are holding the beer with potentially soapy hands: (7) The paper label gets shredded easily, which means that the slippery glue backing becomes quickly exposed. Oh no!
  • Does it smell weird when I drink it right after using my bergamot body scrub?: (7) Too much floral! Damn it!
  • Bonus round: C'mon, it's a Chicago beer, I have to go all Local Boy Does Good here. (+4)
Goose Island Fleur shower beer score: 25 (out of 35)
(I'm sorry, Goose Island. I do enjoy this beer mightily, but it has just proven that it's too fancy a beer for the shower. I mean that in all the best ways.)