black and white and read all over

Sometimes it's 80 degrees for two weeks in a row in the middle of March in Chicago and while you're really excited about that (cutoffs!), you're also looking at your closet and thinking "aw man, I have this new sweaterdress I won't get to wear until, like, October."

Sweaterdress, vintage; tall socks, Uniqlo; boots, Zappos house brand.
Long-ass hair, courtesy Lucia's bossing of my grooming habits.

...Because sometimes your friends go on their honeymoon and do a lot of vintage shopping, and she picks up a dress that she knows she won't wear but looks like something you'd like to have, and she brings it back to Chicago, and then BOOM you have a kick-ass graphic sweaterdress.

Thanks, Danielle. Way to make me look good.


ctrl alt

This is the antithesis of de trop.

And dear lord, how I wish I could pull it off. Through (far too much) trial and error, I've learned that I cannot pull off a button-up shirt and pants. Can. Not. My build is the perfect trainwreck of zero waist or hips (plus that pesky I Really Love Food pudge), and this means that a button-up shirt makes my torso look sort of like that of a chubby 12-year-old boy with a bit of man-boob.
That sounds terrible, but I swear, the day I finally realized this, it was a mindblowing moment. Why don't I look good in this thing that everyone says should look good on me? Oh, it's because I am missing key components of the body it works for.

This isn't about my weirdo lack of hips/waist, though. (It is odd that I'm the only woman in my entire extended family built this way, but ah well. I'm also the only one with cleavage, so it evens out.) Instead, what does look good on my build?
  • Heels. Fuckoff heels, preferably.
  • Short, shroudy dresses. If I look at a dress and think "that is most likely too short to wear to work", I will buy it. And then I will wear it to work. (Anything with a built-in waist, though? No.)
I could pull a Boobs Legsly here and claim that short + low-cut is the magic combination, but I'm trying to go for Interesting and not Oh My God So Much Skin. I'm not sure that I've found a great way to show off racktacular assets, but much to the joy of that guy who works down the hall from me, I'm still trying to figure out my cleavage situation.

I swear that soon I'm going to stop waking up too late to take photos in the morning, and I'll show off some of the newer shrouds. Am I going to brag about how I made them myself? Yes, yes I will.

In the meantime, Emmanuelle Alt, you keep rocking the Balmain. There's such ease in a uniform that makes you look bangin', and I'm embracing that more and more.


red head

There is absolutely no reason in the world that I need a bright red lace dress trimmed in feathers.

But every time I look at this photo, I get all distracted and kind of forget that fact.
I'm sorry, were you saying something? All I heard was WANT THIS WANT THIS WANT THIS SWOON.


save the date

This past Friday, I got to host an old college friend for a too-short visit. What do old friends do when they have 24 hours to catch up on everything that's happened over the past 8 years? Sit on the couch and talk about boys, of course.

Nic introduced me to the concept of Schrödinger's Date. This is a thing, and it describes itself perfectly. Schrödinger's Date is the date you go on without knowing if it is a Date. If you start dating the person following Schrödinger's Date, then it was your first date. If you do not end up dating them after Schrödinger's Date, that was not a date, it was two friends hanging out.

Next up, Nic and I will apply the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to dating. Quantum relationship theory!