And dear lord, how I wish I could pull it off. Through (far too much) trial and error, I've learned that I cannot pull off a button-up shirt and pants. Can. Not. My build is the perfect trainwreck of zero waist or hips (plus that pesky I Really Love Food pudge), and this means that a button-up shirt makes my torso look sort of like that of a chubby 12-year-old boy with a bit of man-boob.
That sounds terrible, but I swear, the day I finally realized this, it was a mindblowing moment. Why don't I look good in this thing that everyone says should look good on me? Oh, it's because I am missing key components of the body it works for.
This isn't about my weirdo lack of hips/waist, though. (It is odd that I'm the only woman in my entire extended family built this way, but ah well. I'm also the only one with cleavage, so it evens out.) Instead, what does look good on my build?
- Heels. Fuckoff heels, preferably.
- Short, shroudy dresses. If I look at a dress and think "that is most likely too short to wear to work", I will buy it. And then I will wear it to work. (Anything with a built-in waist, though? No.)
I could pull a Boobs Legsly here and claim that short + low-cut is the magic combination, but I'm trying to go for Interesting and not Oh My God So Much Skin. I'm not sure that I've found a great way to show off racktacular assets, but much to the joy of that guy who works down the hall from me, I'm still trying to figure out my cleavage situation.
I swear that soon I'm going to stop waking up too late to take photos in the morning, and I'll show off some of the newer shrouds. Am I going to brag about how I made them myself? Yes, yes I will.
In the meantime, Emmanuelle Alt, you keep rocking the Balmain. There's such ease in a uniform that makes you look bangin', and I'm embracing that more and more.